hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
