Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
