WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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