"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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