two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
