come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
