Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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