I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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