I will die if light touches me.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
