Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
