you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
