If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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