Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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