my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
