If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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