I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
