I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize
