just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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