Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize
