He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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