Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
