What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
