rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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