I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
