Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
We are all done wearing pants today
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
