What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
