am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Randomize
