i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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