Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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