dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
