ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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