he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
