just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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