Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
