i just google imaged poop.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
