loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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