I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
