She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
