i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
