I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Text me some of your sweat
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
