I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Randomize
