I wanna bring you to show and tell
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Randomize
