It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Randomize
