Quick, to the slutcave!
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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