SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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