I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
