so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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