Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I just got carded by a ten year old.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
