Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
