I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
