Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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